Stranger Danger...

If you’ve ever said, “Yes, I’d love to go out and spend more time with my wife, but…..” and then you’ve found a hundred reasons why you don’t: too much work, the kids have too many extracurricular activities, you’re on a budget, there’s just not enough time, whatever the reason, the list goes on and on, then you might be heading down a slippery slope. The truth is though, if you don’t make the time for your marriage, you may wake up one morning next to a stranger. I say this because I’ve witnessed firsthand couples whose kids have gone off to college or left the house (and it’s often sooner than you think) and the husband and wife are left behind wondering what they have in common with their partner. A friend who is teetering on divorce told me recently that it wasn’t any one thing that ruined his marriage, just years of neglect on both his and his wife’s part. He said that eventually, they no longer knew one another and their marriage faded into emptiness. So, what do we do?

According to family and marriage expert Dr Joan, contributing writer to The Blog for Effective Parenting, part of the secret is dating. I am a huge advocate of the weekly marriage date, but I know it isn’t always easy to pull off. Nevertheless, do whatever it takes to spend dedicated time with each other. Have lunch together. Take a walk. Go grab a coffee; whatever. The point is, nurturing your marriage with adult time is critical to retaining a strong relationship with your spouse. During this time, limit your conversation to non-kid topics. It gives you the opportunity to re-connect at a very basic level. Sometimes things are so hurried that we don’t know which direction were moving in. Planning a weekly date allows you to slow it down.

Dr Joan stresses the importance of this quality adult time and recommends getting away together, even if it’s just for one night, at least once a year. I know firsthand that this is difficult at best, in fact, I can’t remember the last time my wife and I got away by ourselves without the pressure of work or kids. Nevertheless, I agree with the premise that all of us need to put energy into making this kind of time with our spouse or partner.
The bottom line… All parents need a break, and all marriages require work. Avoid stranger-danger by setting aside that time to reconnect.