Is honesty always the best policy?

In the 1950's, Edward R Murrow, perhaps the nations most prolific journalist hosted a radio series called "This I Believe". The program essentially asked Americans to submit a three hundred word essay describing their core beliefs. National Public Radio has brought the program back and is soliciting essays. They invite you to contribute to the project by writing and submitting your own statement of personal belief. You can read some here http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4538138 You can read the essay I submitted below. Then submit your own ;-)

“Honesty is the best policy” sounds so ridiculously cliché. But then again, I have a preteen. Twelve years old to be exact. I've used that cliché more than once with my son. My heart bleeds for him as I helplessly watch him stumble his way through adolescence. Middle school has to be the most humiliating of all human experiences. As kids struggle to find their identity, many align themselves with those they believe they most closely relate to. This seemingly innate desire to ‘fit-in’ most often leads youth to assume the identity of the group that best fulfills that sense of belonging. When I was a kid it was primarily the “Jocks’, the “Nerds”, and the “Heads”; where the “Heads” where long-haired misfits with tell-tale Iron Maiden tee shirts, jean jackets and studded bracelets. I’m assuming “Head” was the short derivative of the ubiquitous term ”Pot Head”. Nowadays there seems to be an endless supply of niche market identity groups. You have your “Goths” and your “Gangstas”; You have the coffee house crowd that shall remain nameless, the ever-staple athletic bunch, those mop-headed soccer hooligans who mean well, and lets not forget those skate punks, after all skateboarding is not a crime I'm told. I tell my son that the people you associate with should never define who you are, even though I know that he probably won’t know who he really is for another ten years, seven if we’re lucky and tithe. I tell him that it’s so much easier just to be yourself, even though I know that he really doesn't understand who he is quite yet. There's nothing groundbreaking here, just your classic identity crisis. Some kids get it worse than others, but they will all endure the hormone induced paranoia we call puberty. The truth is, who we are is a bouillabaisse of life experiences, beliefs, values, and lessons learned. So, in the awkward years between puberty and adulthood, what do I tell my son who struggles with his place in life? I tell him that honesty is the best policy. I tell him to be honest with himself, and everything else will fall into place. When I think back to my own middle school years, I remember actually trying to perfect a “walk”…more of a stride than a walk; it had a ridiculous gate and an off tempo toe drag. Why? God, why? I remember exactly when the proverbial light switch flipped on. My mother had taken me school shopping, that awful annual ritual that marked the end of summer and the beginning of the paralyzing anxiety that perennially accompanied the first week of school for me. I had boldly selected a poly-something, black double breasted (sleeveless no less) shirt and black parachute pants with silver piping. My mother in her infinite wisdom only replied “is there enough room in the waist?” I put that get-up on for my first day of school in the ninth grade. It was out-there, even by 1982 fuchia leg warmer standards. (--What were we thinking?--) As I stood in front of the mirror staring at myself in that Hans Solo costume, it clicked. I looked absurd. From that point forward, and with but very few exceptions, I have always been conscious of the fact that we are who we are; not who others would want us to be. So, no matter how badly you seek acceptance, always remember to leave enough room in the waist for yourself.