Monday, March 12, 2007

Killing two stones for one bird

OK, well I did it. I had a vasectomy on Friday, and I'm back at work today with no real problems, hardly worthy of all the trumped up paranoia I placed on the ordeal. I will say that it wasn't the most pleasant of experiences, but it was remarkably uneventful, thanks to the skillful hands of my urologist. I am notoriously bad about misplaced and undue anxiety. As a matter of fact, I was so worked up about the procedure by Wednesday of last week that I had to call the Doctor and ask for something to ease me through. No problem said his staff. They called in a Valium derivative and told me to take it thirty minutes prior to the procedure. I took the day off to avoid all of the good natured ribbing from my male coworkers...aping the doctor making jokes about the size of my unit, as in; “Your balls may swell to the size of normal testicles, but I don’t think we can do anything for your penis”. I took the anti-anxiety medication like clockwork on the way over to the outpatient center. When we arrived I was greeted by a small inconspicuous whiteboard at the front desk that explained that the good doctor was running an hour and a half behind due to an emergency surgery. Icing the kicker no doubt. Not good. My wife tried to calm me down, and we headed over to The Atlanta Bread Company for a sconce and a cup of coffee. At this point I was quite relaxed since daddy's little helper was kicking in nicely. Nothing outrageous, but it did take the edge off. About an hour into the newspaper we started to head back over to the Dr's office. Out of concern that the euphoria of the Valium might wear off leading to an uncontrollable panic attack during the procedure, I took a second one. Not the brightest move slick. I could have chewed my tongue off and not known it, but it made the process fairly benign, at least what I can remember of it. I slept until ten-thirty Saturday morning. Two days on the couch rotating bags of frozen peas and I'm back at work today, although a little slower and perhaps a bit more apprehensive about the proper approach angle when sitting. The patient informational brochure suggested that you "shave the upper scrotal area" I think I went a little overboard in that department and the resulting sandpaper effect is wreaking havoc down there. I still have a pronounced pain in my lower right abdomen, not unlike being on the receiving end of a spirited dixie-youth cup check. Guys, you know what I'm talking about. They say that its normal and should subside in a few days. All things considered, I'm just glad its over and I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things, unsheathed.

1 comment:

Larry said...

3 words... T.M.I.

A simpler description of the "sandpaper" effect could have been left out.

But thanks for the fair warning, gives some of us something to look forward to (maybe).