Wall of Mediocrity

I ran across an interesting article in Slate magazine last week about unwitting parents who lavish their offspring with praise, even at the most mundane accomplishment. It has been a pet-peeve of mine for years, ever since my son’s first tee-ball practice. All of the "Oh, your soooo Awesomes" have taken a toll on me. I have no problem giving praise when it's warranted, but I've always thought that bombarding your kids with undeserved praise was more than a disservice, but a detrimental travesty that would eventually lead to some sort of group therapy. I got a good laugh out of Greg Fockers "Wall of Gaylord" in the movie "Meet the Fockers", where the mediocrity of Ben Stillers character was celebrated as spirited achievement in a shrine-like display erected by his father. This subject has always touched a nerve with me, and unfortunately in our society the behavior has become more ubiquitous. You see it everywhere...Parents showering praise for even the most meager of efforts. I know so many people like this, it turns my stomach. Here is an excerpt from the article:

The Wall Street Journal reported last month on the travails of employers faced with twenty- and thirtysomethings who've been told how brilliant and wonderful and special they are all their lives. The article tells of a consultant who counsels a manager to praise young employees for showing up on time after a pattern of lateness. How does one conjure a compliment out of "pathetic" and "entitled"? A personality test for narcissism given to college students every year shows an inexorable rise, with today's students being on average 30 percent more narcissistic than the students of 1982. Substitute "self-esteem" for "narcissism" and the results suddenly look rosy, but you simply can't, because all the $10 trophies and the lavish praise of mediocrity, or even failure, doesn't really bolster kids' self-worth. They drink the Kool-Aid, but they also know it.

Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck concluded that it's not praise itself that's the problem, but rather the kind of praise we pile on our kids. You’ve heard it a million times, “you’re soo smart” or “you’re the best player on the team!”, when what we should be praising is the hard work and the effort. Dweck speculates that if you tell a kid he's smart , the only place he's got to go is down, thereby avoiding challenges and freezing at the thought of failure, but tell him you admire his determination and he'll keep plugging away, bettering himself in the process.